nuder, duder

today's any other day where mind-merrygorounding has been my most energetic activity thus far. thinking i'd like to be less self-conscious and wondering if having a simula-semi-transparent internet indulg-a-thong would help. i think i might have low self-esteem because whenever i see APPROVED after i use my cc i feel a surge of self-assurance. i met a guy named john aka groundscore since he groundscores goods. He catalogued the things he'd snagged in the last 48 hours including, but not limited to, a backpack, $21, several cigarettes/papers, and a metal water canister. When I lamented my lifelong lack of a cool nickname he grinned and reassurred me: "Don't worry, you'll get one some day. Most of my life people knew me as John."

yesterday evening was another trying shift serving tourists. one family (not american, but not unamerican) left about 50 cents on a $24 check--dad orders his noodles while his wife and kid are in the bathroom and does not smile the entire time. the daughter is mindbogglingly adorable with two pigtails like antennas and eyelashes with which you could weave a modest blanket. Smiling and giggling at first, she chants MYTUMMYMYTUMMY while the mom declines my offer to bring her drink/food. She is appeased by a banana, then a tiny red lollipop, then seems to fuss till they exit shortly after. Another family near the end of the night flips my stomach in a happy way--a stunning mother who resembled judy garland sitting across from her two blindingly blond daughters and their father who looked like he could be david beckham's uncle (at first I thought they were british but during dinner they were speaking at an elegant volume a language my undercultured ears could not identify)--the mom gently places her hand on my back while I'm wiping a table near the door: "We were just talking and you are just the nicest person we've met in a long time." I don't know if it was how I offered my best conciliatory grimace-smile when one of her kids wanted pink lemonade and we only had fruit punch or the way i stacked their plates as i cleared them but it sure was a nice period to the otherwise crappy run-on sentence of the inordinately american evening. Half an hour before we closed the fireworks started to go off and everyone cleared out except the silver-painted girl who stands still downtown till someone puts money in her bucket and her date.